In ways that fall onto others like pollen, where it blooms within the consciousness of others, possibly rooting into what we define as “human".

Or maybe it’s the other way around? Maybe what is deeply human is always springing from the center of ourselves like sprouts from a seed. And as we all flow down the Greater Timeline, perhaps humans continually find ways to pull from that center.

Spreading out into the world.

That is why I like the word nullstep. Because it says to the world—

“I am. What I feel and experience is reality. I will not be erased.”

It is a statement of mattering, emphatic.

To wrap oneself and everything around you in this concept, means that you will not go. And that you do not choose to end, until you choose to end.

It is a statement of agency. And a statement of will. Of character. And it is a conclusion I’ve arrived at through my experience of Blackness on this planet Earth.

It is a statement, direct. To those that wish to see me snuffed out, for simply acknowledging and firmly holding my accurate reality, in an instance they have chosen to do ugly things.

I have done ugly things too.

I dig my heels against them, because I have faced the ugly sides of myself through life— fighting & improving.

Doing so in hopes to be an entity, iterating. Growing sharper. A well defined concept. So I can face myself with pride.

It took labor, and work, and emotions I didn’t conceal. Emotions which made the world notice. For the better, and for the worse.

Then iterating, again. I pull from that center. I do that labor. This is the work that waters & cultivates the tree of life which connects all of us.

We are the fruits of that tree. And this work is done out of love & reverence for the world, and time, and reality. To show a better self to the world, so that self may reflect and iterate a better world. There is a domino event we can trigger.

A world held together by an integral harmony consisting of that which is real. So that we may all flow down the greater timeline in calmer waters of this dark sea. For the individual, a promise to be better.

And nullstep, for me, protects that promise. And that is why it erupted from me, during recent instances of erasure where my soul said—

Enough.

• • •

A Null Note

I’ve been thinking about this situation a bit differently lately. A lie meant to aggrieve someone— and officiated to criminalize someone, then held indefinitely to extinguish someone…well that is an act of war. And every entity, individual, group, and organization that is an ally of my abuser are also their compatriots. And it’s never hard to imagine how you’re spoken about in rooms you don’t inhabit as they hold lies over your head. It happens the same in war rooms as it does in boardrooms, as it does in living rooms. Laughter, mocking, and plans to deplete.

I’ve elected in taking a 50 Cent approach to things, moving forward. Because I always respected how he didn’t play nice with even the forces connected to the direct force meant to aggrieve him. Because why should he?

For those that inhabit the war room, shoulder to shoulder with my abuser, slinging insults— Call me a liar. I will meet you anywhere. On any block. Stare me in the eye. I will stare back, resolute. And I can tell you how it will end. Time will pass. I will persist, stalwart, staring into you, arden. And you will grow uncertain, and then uncomfortable. And that scenario doesn’t even include numbers. Because I am bringing over 120k black voices to speak with me soon. And allies of my abuser will be both in, and a subjects of the conversation. That is the certainty on which I stand. And there are matters now which involve family.

Once more, come call me a liar. Because I’m bringing the whole Black community to answer you back about the further criminalization of an innocent Black man who was the victim.