What is “Abuse is—”

Part I

The Author

Welcome! This area you see is the Mindspace. What’s that? It’s the space inside my mind.

I have a few new followers so I think it’s the perfect time to start talking about what this all is. You’ll be seeing more “Whats is” posts like this in the future.

Who am I?

I’m Joe Laquinte

I’m a nobody, who’s done a couple ‘somebody’ things.

I lived in New York City, and there was something I’d always do…

I’d walk. I’d walk and walk— and I’d observe.

I would do this often in New York City. The city in which I lived.

New York is not just a city. It’s the world’s city. And you’ll meet people from all over our Earth there.

I’d always meet people, everywhere I went. aAnd everywhere I went I’d make friends, hear stories, and I’d try to be kind to everyone.

There’s something else I’d also do…

I care. At least I try to.

And I’ll experience something. Screaming out in terror to the world.

This will change me.

You live your life seeing other Black men criminalized, diminished, and unjustly murdered. And I think my worst fear will be realized that day.

My abuser will also remark the same…so I’ll know this was all intentional.

I’ll think back to something that said in 2020, and I’ll realize something dark.

They had planned this all along…

And then I would see the faces.

They invited me in, only to use and harm me, because of who I am. A quiet sadness would fill my heart. And inexplicably, it would feel familiar. I’ll realize why it felt familiar later. I’ll only say this for now…

”There is a frequency…”

A criminal Black guy who’s violent and dangerous? That’s just the way it is.

I have seen things I cannot unsee, I have felt things that I cannot unfeel, and I have received knowledge that I cannot unknow.

After the events of March I’ll feel like I’m slowly bleeding out, and instinctively I know what’s happening. I’m dying. You die in a non-physical way, I’ve found.

I’ll diminish for months until I encounter something that revives me.

And I realize why. All that walking I did. All those people I met.