I recently watched the Hulu series Shogun and really enjoyed it.
One of the many things this show is about, is a fight against impossible odds.
In their story arcs, each of the three main characters face a challenge with the odds heavily stacked against them.
Understanding human nature, the flow of people’s actions, and strategy are a large part of Shogun’s storyline.
The story resonates with me because I’m fighting a war I didn’t start where the odds are greatly stacked against my favor.
This is what happens when you exist as a marginalized identity. If you’re the victim of someone with more privilege/power than you, you end being cast as the perpetrator.
And everything I’ve experienced so far is telling me the following—
“Stay in your place. You’re not supposed to win this. You’re supposed to lose.”
It’s demoralizing on a daily basis. Especially with the discriminatory aspect of it, it eats at you.
And In my real life abuse/assault situation, someone is still trying to harm me. That’s right, “Abuse is—” is a series that’s occurring in real-time.
Everytime I try to stand up for myself or go the legal route, my abuser tries to criminalize me.
It’s been a hard fight. It’s been unfair. And I’ve nearly lost everything from being attacked and needing to fight back.
Why does this all happen? The privileged tend to have faster access to resources as well as the mobility to get to those resources. What often occurs next is they’ll use their power to “flip the script”—
trying to claim victimhood while accusing the actual victim to be the perpetrator. These false accusations are often believed due to bias.
In a survivor situation, when they use this advantage to criminalize the non-or-lesser-privileged party, the official name for that party is a “criminalized survivor”.
That’s what I am.
I’ll be speaking more on that title later in another episode.
This is the situation I’m facing right now. Insurmountable odds. And that’s what brings me back to a scene I really like in Shogun—
My abuser has more privilege and sway than me in society. Plus, I have a narrative that goes unrecognized in that society. It was a losing battle for me from the beginning and they knew it.
The odds aren’t in my favor, but I think I’ve figured out a way…
A way to win against insurmountable odds, do some good in the world, and accomplish something that’s never been done before.
There’s still a chance I might lose.
But, not unless I win. And those are the words I have for my abuser who assaulted me and their supporters today.
“Not unless I win.”
And I think I know how to win this. I think I can use the power of narrative.