[Note 11.10.24]

On Ethos

There’s gonna be people confused about how and why I respond to to my old high school classmate Ronald Simms through the three part “Abuse is— Shaming Oneself”. I’m not gonna “pull punches” and it’s going to seem harsh to some, so I need to give you all context.

Ron and I went to the all boys school Gonzaga College High School, and our high school wasn’t just any high school. This is not a statement said in ego. This is a statement signifying that our school has an ethos and not many other high school institutions do. Our ethos is—

Men For Others

This phrase was a challenge we were met with each semester of our time there. And I get how it’s maybe a little corny for outsiders, but think of people you know who have served in the military unless maybe you’ve served yourself. “Men For Others” is our “Semper Fi”. It’s “On God”. It’s something taken seriously.

Prior to Gonzaga I never really had “school pride” or “school spirit” anything. When I thought of school pride I’d imagine a bunch of “rah rah” in the gym at the game type of stuff, and the idea of it felt forced and corny to me. That changed for me after Gonzaga.

Gonzaga taught me that school pride wasn’t something created by performative acts, but instead was forged by a realization that you’re a part of something larger, you represent that larger thing, that larger thing has a mission or a reason for being, and because you respect that reason you’re then invested and so you must be accountable for your actions.

That larger thing becomes of you, and you become of it.

And frankly, as I grew at Gonzaga and participated in volunteer work with helping the homeless face-to-face, tutoring children reading in failing DC schools, being there for friends as they dealt with domestic traumas, and learned what it meant bring value to a team through the drama club, I’d arrive at and move through my senior year with a frustrating feeling of—

“damn…I am sorta proud of this corny shit 😏”

That’s why I was so proud wearing my tuxedo on graduation day. Like who else had tuxes on their graduation??

I guess it was aspects like that which would have such an impact on me. No one in my family would really say anything encouraging or uplifting to me as a kid— even though I’d always be drawing, or making, or writing and dreaming up stories with a passion I didn’t find in most of my peers. I was punished for it. And called a failure. So just like wearing my white tuxedo on graduation day, Gonzaga was the first place in my life that I ever felt special— and where I allowed myself to not feel a shame, or sadness, or fear, or need to apologize for feeling special.

(Didn’t really expect I’d break down crying uncontrollably at that part…)

It’s perhaps the first place in life which I felt a persistent happiness, along with a pride and knowing of who I was because the ethos would hold me accountable and by it’s nature toss me into challenges I wasn’t familiar with,— allowing me to surprise myself as I became someone I didn’t expect. Someone who I’d see in the mirror and go— “hey…he’s…sorta cool 🥲 I’m kinda proud of him.”

And I’m not kidding when I mention accountability! I remember an English class where a fellow student made a crass comment about women, the other men in the class started laughing and reacting in a sophomoric fashion. My English teacher, ✨Mr. Roger Schlegel✨ took on a stern look said “STOP!”. He would go on to SHUT THE WHOLE CLASS DOWN, and had a 20 minute talk with us about the harms that come sexism and objectifying women. I had never even heard the term objectify before that. For 20 minutes you had a room of 15 year old young men looking like—

—as Mr. Schlegel went IN and explained to us that women are just as much as people as we were and they should be due the same recognition, respect, and humanity that we see in ourselves as men and the world gives to us through our male privilege. Mr. Schlegel was clearly pissed at the crass comment as his anger showed— and his anger was necessary.

We do wrong to codify anger as something disordered in our society. This codifying is the work of Narcissistic entities. They’ll ostracize those who show anger by going— “Oh, they were angry…something is wrong with the…” This is a mistake which actually makes our society cowardly and weak. Narcissists love a weak society because they can manipulate that easily. They deride anger because anger is a force of “stop!”. It makes them sneer and hiss because they want their hands on and in everything without your agency there to stop them or without anyone brave to yell “STOP!” when they come for you.

This is why they lock anger in a psych ward, label it “disordered”, and threatened to do the same to everyone else if they dare show it. Do not let them. Own your anger at the right times. Like I shall do with Ronald Simms.

Because of Mr. Schlegel’s passion and appropriate anger that lesson is seared into my mind…so now, even at 40 years old, if I see someone treating a woman a certain way I immediately travel back to that moment in English class. I’ll remember Mr. Schlegel’s anger, and then I get angry, and it gives me access to the courage to stand up and say “Don’t say that” or “That’s objectifying” or “You shouldn’t treat her like that”.

Mr. Schlegel is also a graduate of Gonzaga so he carries the ethos too, which was also embedded in his lesson to us that day. Now, you’re probably seeing the benefit of an ethos. It gets passed down, and it gives a newer generation direction.

That was Gonzaga— a pretty darn good education and the access to realizing many of the moments us students would be faced with in life will present the following question—

“What type of man will I chose to be right now?”

Many will walk right past that crossroad without realizing that question and that choice is even there.

While “phrases” or “vows” like “Men For Others” can seem silly from the outside, you hopefully see now what they can mean from the inside. Also, hopefully you’re beginning to see why they are actually a necessary thing on a societal level.

An ethos is a promise. A promise is important because it provides assurity. And “Men For Others” provides the assurity that there are good men on this Earth, or at least one who know better. That’s the function of Gonzaga as an institution. A place where men who do their best to do good are forged and made ready for the world. The world needs people like this to maintain and proliferate the good and good acts. An ethos balances, the world. That’s the function of Gonzaga.

Ronald Simms will gain attention of

Word is mothereffing bond. And an ethos functions the same. It’s a promise. Because it’s a