Abuse is— not always covered by the stats
In March and April 2022 I’m distressed about what occurred, but I keep stopping myself from going to the police. Along with a desire to not hurt my abuser, there’s also a doubt deep inside me in whether I’ll be believed or not. This doubt took root after some initial google searches—
I realized I didn’t even have the language to best express what occurred. What I first called coercion, I now know to be sexual assault. It’s interesting how important language and vocabulary are for expressing what occurs to us.
As I looked into DV advocates, I found there’s not many organizations out there aimed towards men who are survivors. And there’s no resources for Black men. Abuse, privilege, and race can go hand-in-hand all related to each other in a complex matrix. I’ll explain the matrix in another post.
The research of this old topic is fairly new and current, so I look into the prominent researchers for this topic.
During my searches I stumble upon research papers from a Dr. Tommy Curry who writes about the dilemmas of Black manhood. I decided to send him an email.
His response will fill my thoughts through the rest of my journey.
Dr. Tommy Curry has spent a chunk of his life researching and writing about the very situation I’m faced with. He’s the expert on this thing. And from his expert knowledge, there does not exist a case for him to reference. Not a single one.
That’s wild. And it might not seem wild to you at first, but when we dig into it a bit more, you’ll find that my outlier situation is not as outlier as we think.
You see, I know my history.
It’s not that it doesn’t happen to us. We just don’t exist in the records. As a Black man the experience of being sexually assaulted doesn’t coexist with the identity the mainstream appends to us.
There is no recognized narrative for my identity.
And this is CRAZY cause it’s a problem that definitely exists. I continued to realize the importance of narrative and knowing what your given narrative is in your society.
It’s extremely important to know this info in navigating society— especially in knowing how society navigates us.
The darkly funny thing? Without being recognized by the mainstream, this new facet of your identity just…won’t exist to other people. You just kinda *blip* out of the matrix. You blip out of what people perceive their reality to be.
You could walk up and tell someone, “Hey I was sexually assaulted.”
And they’ll respond with, “Yeah, this does feel like a Tuesday!”
What??
This also happens due to the discomfort people have around survivors. You just sorta…disappear from society’s view, and you fall right into society’s garbage collector.
This sucks because abuse and assault will really damage you. And what happens when you’re injured and no one can perceive you? Do you just die in the jungle alone?