Abuse is—
Presents
The Family Heirloom
Part I
We gotta speak on some sensitive subject matter today. Also, I wanna present a question— What gets passed down a family line…and how do we become who we are?
We’re gonna jump around between the sensitive matter and some deeper mechanics around abuse, and certain ways we function cognitively. I have a bold statement, but I’m gonna back it up with the mechanics. This will be a mini-series of a few posts. We’ll be jumping ideas quickly, with a lot of info packed in here.
We’ll also be discussing my abusers family. It’s relevant to the narrative. Because to understand the source of harm, you have to see it in relation to others in it’s environment. And when you look at the others, you may start to see something— similar injuries, in all the same places. Many criminals have a signature. This is forensic— and a monster always has more than one victim, and it often doesn’t travel far.
Also there may be a bunch of cutaway scenes! It’ll lighten things a bit, and illustrate the ideas. I guess I’m channeling some Family Guy or something.
Sigh. Ok. I realized something and it’s sorta dark. It doesn’t make me feel good. And I’m apprehensive even saying it…and I’ve said A LOT so far in this series.
I spend so much time understanding my abuser in a vacuum or in relation to me, and I’ve not really had the bandwidth to think of them in relation to those around them.
So I did. Then it hit me.
There’s a pattern exhibited when Nic does “not great things”…and I’ll just be direct about the dark thing…I believe this pattern is also exhibited towards her young daughter. I know, that’s a serious claim and I wouldn’t make it, if I wasn’t serious.
I’m gonna talk about it. This series is rooted in not staying quiet over the sensitive things. Because abuse will move right through those “quiet spaces” cutting down the silent inhabitants. I see something, and I’m saying something. Because that’s what it means to be responsible.
Nic must of realized I would ultimately see it. Maybe that’s why she has been so fidgety lately.
Yeah, you know I can feel you right? Yeah, I can. Through the cognitive ether. Remember, as much as abuse is a scar…it is also a bond. Be careful who you tether. I was not your husband Dave.
So…back to the uncomfortable business. Let’s call her daughter, ‘Hannah’. I see how it all works now— how the harm works in system. And it makes me so sad.
The times I went over to Nic’s house, and Hannah would come out, Nic would always be so snarky and kinda mean with her. She even gets the husband Dave in on it. I didn’t witness Dave being mean, but he’d bend to Nic’s intention, which had a negative focus towards Hannah. So he acted as a conduit for something harmful towards his daughter. It made me a bit uncomfortable, to be honest. It felt unfair.
When I saw the way Nic would respond to Hannah, it caught me at first, and I commented on it a couple times because her reactions to Hannah seemed a bit extreme versus Hannah’s behavior. And not extreme as in yelling or anything…more so a targeted mean spiritedness. And giving her little grace for her age. The times I mentioned it, Nic would just wave it away like—
“Hannah was being a lot earlier. You didn’t see it. She had a whole meltdown, it was a mess.”
And I’d be like “Ok sure, it’s your kid.” But that was also the narrative a good many times I went over to their spot in Brooklyn.
And hey, I don’t have kids so take that into consideration…but I have been target to Nic’s negative intent for a while now.
And being a target of “negative intent” may sound trivial because we often view the non-physical as not important. It’s embedded in our language, actually. Cause only matter matters, right? Haha. Wrong though.
Intent is an unseen part of us and is a huge part of our human function we don’t see. Directing negative intent at another human can greatly effect them, depending the circumstance.
Looking back to those moments with Hannah, combined with what I know now about Nic’s use of negative intent…ugh, let’s just say it this way—
What is realized cannot be unrealized.
I know her abuser pattern. I’ve been trapped in this mess for way too long, and I’ve studied this person down to a science in order to free myself from harm.
You see, abuse is like an aura. And while abusers can turn the intensity of that aura down, or maybe focus it at times—
They can’t turn that shit off.
[ * sniff sniff * what’s that in the air…
oh, it’s like a…fragrance…
or an aura…is that…Chanel?
Actually, it’s Abüsé…
Oh shit, run!]
Abusers will always emit that abuse glow. So even if it’s a low intensity you can’t detect, their actions will still have subtle traces of the intention to control and manipulate. In other words, they have one mode.
——————
We’ll get back to the sensitive subject in the next post. In this one let’s unpack some abuse mechanics, walk through an upcoming real life scenario, and hang out in Brooklyn for a bit.
Kensington Brooklyn.
Can you feel it? Things are gonna accelerate soon. These posts are gonna start circulating among Nic’s Brooklynite peers. There might be a BIG out roar from Brooklyn as a result. I bet I can guess what they’ll say—
“She’s a mom! This is hogwash!”
“It could never be her!”
“This is slander!!”
“Who is this ‘laquinstagram’ anyway?? Some troublemaker, I’m sure.”
“We must defend her bland cooking palette!”
[all with swaddled babies]
“Yeah!!”
And they will be fueled with her false narrative that I’m a scary/criminal/stalker/mentally ill/whatever/whatever...
Meanwhile, in Kensington Brooklyn…
[Hey, it’s that no good laquinstagram guy!!
I know Nic, and I believe her!
I know her too! I’m with Nic!
She said you’re a crazy stalker, get outta here!
Hey buddy, I don’t want no trouble. Especially not around my Birkenstocks. You need to leave Nic alone, and get outta Kensington. And go back to Canarsie.
I never said that I was—
Hi I’m “The Ridiculous Man”, I’m one of Nic’s token Black ‘objects’ she barely sees as human, inserted into the conflict to delegitimatize the blatant racism and fetishization you experienced. I’m in an open marriage and it’s “don’t ask don’t tell”. Nic and I will try to hook up once, but Nic will joke to you directly about how I “couldn’t get it up”. You’ll be off-put by that, because it seemed rude to say about one’s partner. After March 7th 2022 you’ll try to reach out to me, another Black man for help when you realize Nic’s harmful intentions…and I’ll BLOCK YOU. Haha. Cause obviously such a notable and unusual occurrence of another Black man screaming for help under the allegations that racial harm was done to him could only be a gimmick or him being delinquent, and the aggressor could never be Nic!
Well said, son.
Thanks Daddy!]
(This ridiculous fother mucker still doesn’t fucking see it btw. Exactly… “ridiculous”. I tried to warn Nic’s Black friends and she came out like…)
[not around my negroes you can’t…and i don’t like your fancy pants nigger]
(Oh well, not everyone went with Tubman to freedom…ok let’s get back on track…)
All that clamor and noise from Nic’s side? Hmm.
Shut up, Birkenstocks. Because we’re in the universe of—
“Abuse is—”
and there are rules to be followed here.
In this universe we can be inquisitive, curious, experimental, and we encourage you to especially do the following—
Not know things!
It’s fun to not know things! Cause new knowledge is an illuminating experience. Also, who of us knows everything?
So then, what can you NOT be in regards to our rules?
Stupid.
I won’t allow stupid in “Abuse is—”. Cause stupid allows abuse. And how many times has history revealed the abuser to be a ‘well liked charmer’?
Wait…the clouds…where am I??
*sniff sniff
Is that… * gasp * Abüsé?
Oh shit, I see you Depp…gtfoh!!…you monster!
…zroom…
Wait…that’s not…Depp…
Hmm…I think we’re good viewers. Everyone stay cool.
I’m fighting for my life out here!
Raped by a pack of niggers!
This will ruin the tour. The world tour.
FORM.
“This, the one who bestest Cirru.”
“This interests. No detection of the ‘Manifest Fist’.”
Where are the two others? “
“You have garnered the notice of The Institution.”
“1095.75 days, 29 minutes, 42 seconds, & 63 milliseconds of Time. You are, touched. We will see you later, Joseph Laquinte, grandson of Achilles.”
Ok. That was…concerning. Anyway, there’s a lot still unknown in the “Abuse is—” universe!
So, was the fourth arm his dick? Anyway…
Alright, back in Brooklyn.
As we were saying…how many times has history revealed the abuser to be a ‘well liked charmer’?
That reveal happens like, every fucking time.
“Oh no, the lovable church pastor who always wanted the alter boys to get really sweaty in the yard and stay late was actually an abuser??”
“I just can’t believe it. But he was so likable!”
Yes! Yes, people. Exactly. They learn to become lovable so they can touch the kids, or whoever their target is. How many times do we have to see it?? Like I’ve said several times now…
Patterns.
We’re always gonna go back to patterns. Because humans are—?
You got it. You’re doing awesome!
This is a fairly consistent pattern. So don’t be stupid. This is what stupid looks like by the way—
[gasp I don’t believe]
See? Stupid. Don’t be like that. Read the data, observe the patterns, know the world. You got this. Now back to the Kensington Brooklyn rabble.
Hmm.
What’s wrong Birkenstocks? “Crazy scary Black man” making too much sense?
This sounds like…truth. The Ridiculous Man don’t like the truth. Time for my signature move… “Don’t Ask! Don’t Tell!”
Woah. Ridiculous. I definitely reached out to the wrong guy.
I will never let you penetrate my Ridiculous Force Field.
Alright, bro.
[Btw Nic, thanks for giving me such good fucking material omg. Guess you couldn’t rape my sense of humor. Ba-Dum-Tss!]
Alright, let’s end with some “Abuse Math”. It’s a segment I’ve wanted to do for a while.
Manipulation and gaslighting take something for them to travel and work…the target’s trust. The abuser will have to earn your trust, and that trust will become the conduit through which the harm will travel.
As they earn your trust you begin to invest intention into them. Intention becomes a tether, because we only place intention in things we value. So, to even use abuser techniques, you must earn trust— which means you have to be likable in some measure.
The more likable you are, the more you can control and manipulate. And the biggest abusers are gluttons for control. So, frighteningly, some of the most well liked people who put a lot of noticeable effort into being liked, could have a high probability of being abusers. And that’s “Abuse Math”. Tell me I’m wrong.
Uhh…I though he was…a crazy guy? She said that right?
I’m with…Nic…?
Uh, I know Nic. Sorta..well we got coffee once.
Uh oh! He manifested a considerable amount of truth…and I don’t like the truth. Time to teleport back to Nebraska, where I can lie in the bosom of a culture that I pour my soul into, but will never truly see me as kin, while I’ll pull harder from myself to radiate Blackness as a means to “represent”, but in doing so I only fall into a space one can call “performative” for the gaze of eyes with lips that will laugh and clap at my antics, and I will wonder to myself at night, next to my wife who is white, “Am I only a minstrel…?”
RIDICULOUS TELEPORT!!!
Oh shit, didn’t know he could do that.
Well, and then, there was one.
… * gulp *
Skedaddle, Birkenstocks. But first, run me them Birkenstocks.
* gasp *
Yeah!
[It’s the Brooklyn way….where BROOKLYN AT!!!]
So let’s get back to the family…
We haven’t covered the really really intense abuse scenarios with Nic yet, but as I studied everything I come to realize a supremely narcissistic person will have the desire to control everyone that orbits around them.
This is why Nic sticks everyone around her in therapy. Check this…there’s a time where Dave gets uncomfortable with something sexually between me and Nic’s relationship. My guess is she says something that hurts him. Her solve? Send him to therapy him! This is manipulation, because Nic doesn’t wanna give up her extracurricular fun, so she twists Dave and makes him think he’s wrong for his feelings.
There’s also another goal Nic is aiming for. She keeps trying to move past my consent and force me into a situation with her closeted bisexual husband Dave that I didn’t want.
She even admits to what she wants here.
She wanted some type of brother husbands situation. I think she was even trying to get me to move in like their “little Black boy” or something. I don’t wanna kink shame but, weird shit.
So anywho, Dave is also abused by her if you follow the…patterns! Haha, I told you this whole series builds. Dave has been broken, subjugated, and just doesn’t know it. He’s in the super sunken place.
(Wait, is the sunken place only for marginalized people? Oh yeah, Dave’s Jewish. He can get a pass. Side note— knowing Nic’s pathology she gets off on subjugating a Jewish person. I would bet soooo much money she’s got some sorta 3rd Reich Latex get up in the closet...you know, next to Dave. sorry, lol.)
I’ll also realize the abuse method used on me, coercive control, was likely used to break Dave, and I witness it being used on Hannah. It’s dark. And I don’t care if Nic looses it when she reads this. You see something wrong, you say it. And I’m becoming very good at understanding abuse. So here we go—
You abuse your daughter, Nicole Block. I see it now. I see you.
Two things. Remember that in episode “Abuse is— Data” I spend the first two months of acute traumatization researching non-stop. Almost like I was possessed. Something was driving me. You could even say something had been “born”.
Also, this is only the beginning of “Abuse is—”. I start by calling this a series for a reason. And while it WILL NOT all focus on Nic Block, we’re not even halfway through Season 1 yet. Do you get what I’m saying? The evidence on her which i have is like—
Stacked to the mother bleeping ceiling. So she can wave off my claims, but you can’t wave off the growing evidence of abuses done to me. And if we prove I’m right about my abuse…then my opinion on the other abuse?
Hmm!
Yeah, it’s coming.
Oh, and about the online forum evidence— much of it I haven’t even read yet cause it all disgusts me so much. You gotta also analyze the harm and patterns in a specific way. You see, the way that a narcissistic harms is like a bunch of invisible cuts done in a complex manner. This is why I chose this series to be episodic. Because to really understand and address the harm, you need to unpack it with careful attention. It won’t always seem it but, trust me, we are doing this the right way. Most would miss it.
Hannah. I see her throw those invisible cuts her way. And that’s horrible because Hannah is such a bright, brilliant, and glowing child. But Nic always cuts her down…snaps at her…tells her to talk less. Says Hannah “can’t dance”, while mentioning that she can. She’s just a kid, Nic. She’s not your competition.
But the clever women & girls always are, huh?
[oh snap!]
Nic acts like this “rah rah sisterhood” person, but I later realize she speaks HORRIBLY about the women around her. Especially those of color. Check out her “sisterhood”—
She’ll buddy up and use other women to get what she wants, then shits on them verbally.
This sister, is doing it for herself.
She also abuses her brother. Stephen Gagolewski. Gags! Hey bro! I know a lot about you. I’m family!
Ready for the hot goss??
She’s likely the reason many of his relationships and marriages (He might have had multiple. Gotta refresh my memory) fail and he spirals into drinking, much like their dad did when he was alive. My theory is she sabotages him. Actually yes! In fact, she takes one of his wives or girlfriends to the side at one point and tells her it won’t work. Wow. Shitty sister.
Hit me if you want the deets Stephen, cause—
[you know it to be true]
Btw, it’s so funny how she tries to make me seem criminal through racial bias and make herself and all around her seem like the perfect suburban PTA going types…
Yeaaaahh, so Stephen…
[little brother]
Btw Stephen, I archived these pages on the internet archive services for ya 😉 Wanted to make sure you didn’t lose them. You know, like you lose them jobs (your sister said that, blaim her). With love from your “sorta-kinda-half-step-black-brother-sleeping-with-your-sister-in-law”. Or SKHSBBSWYSIL, for short.
[we’re family]
These people aren’t even a family. They’re a “scamily”. Haha, I know I know. I had that one saved up for over a year. Had to let it out. Gaga-loo!
So the way Nic utilizes coercive control is she breaks people just to swoop in and tell them they’re broken. It’s disgusting. She does this to me and leaves me mentally handicapped for a long period— several months. Enough for me to lose my entire life I worked for. All that loss, is direct result of her harm. On March 1st he nearly breaks me into suicidality. Look at one of many examples of how she does it—
Do you see it? Break each statement apart, and then do a “tone analysis” on each part.
See? Positive. Negative. Positive. Negative. Each negative is a cut. Each positive is a distraction from the cut you just got. It’s also something else big—
It’s also a contradiction of logic.
Your brain is a computer. It processes logic. Again, data. What happens when you gunk it up, with a bunch of bad logic? You fail the processor, or leave it in a disabled state.
And to the audience—
Now you all know about coercive control.
Or as I sometimes call it, “psychological waterboarding”. Because it is a form of torture. It’s cruel. And it is used by the cruel. Remember what we said about not knowing things? Cool right? Let’s get some more things to not know!
Isn’t coercive horrifying though? This monster abuses me, assaults me, lies on me, breaks me, laughs as I spiral into suicidality, and now she’s trying to send me to jail to hide everything she did.
Not happening, psychopath. My narrative lives FOREVER. Our narrative lives FOREVER.
Like Batman Forever!
Btw, I’m just gonna gonna say…she has allll the smoke for women, and people of color, and anyone in the margins…but has no smoke for white dudes and she gets shit like this in her DM’s…
Ok Nic 🙄
Send that asshole to jail, Nic! Real talk though, there’s a discussion to be had how the actions of shitty men like this bozo harms women, and then from certain groups of women that harm or aggression is (often sadistically) targeted at marginalized men who’s identities have less privilege, and are punished by the system for any type of response to protect or defend from that harm.
Also the threat of harm and punishment prevents the women from responding to the bozos— but…hmm, I do have thought though. I do not have the identity of a woman who is white. I do not have as easy access to their pain, and intention…so this is an ‘unrooted’ opinion, but I think white women could flip that fucking table if they reeaaallllly wanted to. Like an army of Furiosas. Oh shit, that’s bad ass. She’s getting shit done.
Like if you think of a game board, ya’ll are like the closest to the table. It’s right there. Me? I’m like all the way over there. I’m sitting this one out. I’ll cheer you all on though. I just think that…when you’re looking at the current generation of guys around that table…
Anyway, back to Nic…you ain’t built like that to oppose the real source of trauma or those who share the identity of the source…your daddy.
That’s right, Nic. We’re going there. Back to the island, to understand where a monster began. You showed me trauma is a portal, when you broke me down and flung me through it back in 2022. Pack them bags girl, we’re gonna take a little trip. To the truth. Why should we be scared of that. Right?
Something tells me she takes such glee in harming me…cause of what daddy did. So let’s see what daddy did…or didn’t do. Cause your stories of your dad now seem so suspicious.
What? Gonna use that Black and scary line again?
[bell hooks]
Damn, I ran through that whole family like in that Kendrick song.
Hmm…there’s something I wanna do. It feels awkward cause it’s not like they’re my responsibility but…it does take a village…and here’s the thing…
What if she goes her whole life hearing that wrong narrative, from that person, and no one ever tells her…
Hmm. Ya know, I think there likely is a moral obligation to show recognition to the younger. You gotta pass on the knowledge and the light, and tell them that you see them. People did that for me. Message received.
But before I do this next part, let’s just check with Nic. Just in case…
“Hey there Nic!”
Oh! Ok Nic.
What? Oh, well, ya know...
Aww, I appreciate that.
Wait what? Uh, ok I never asked for that…but ok.
Huh. Like live upstairs? In the little…? That’s a little weird. Like, racially. Oh, Georgia? So and in the south? Huh. Uh, ok.
I..uh…hmm…well yeah I’m feeling a little funny about…this…
Ok, damn woman! Slow down! Pump the gosh darn brakes there, sheesh! What did you think this was?? I gotta get outta here.
Phew! Alright. Well, everything seems good so let’s hop to this next part. I think she deserves to hear it—
Letter to “Hannah”
Hey “Hannah”!
Hope you like your fake name. It’s Joe. Remember me? I knew your mom and dad and I’d come over when covid was happening to hang out. You were around 12, I think.
Yeah! Right? You’re an adult now! That’s amazing. Twenty-something? That’s a good age. I remember that age. Being an adult sorta sucks right? Haha.
And your mom would always be like, “You’re talking his head off!” Well, take this if you want—
“Never be quiet for anybody. The right ones will appreciate you. You’re fine just the way you are.”
Trust your gut.
Ok?
The call is coming from inside the house. Do they still say that in the future Hannah?
Hannah, please take care of your little brother. Make sure he doesn’t commit any . Or if he does, make sure he gets away with it.
(Also make sure no Black people get arrested instead)
Did I tell you that I figured out what our identities are?? I learn so much on this journey. I’ll tell you the secret. As you know, the world and universe are made of patterns, and we as humans are pattern machines (does this take off in the future??). Our identities are a pattern of intention. We’re made from the intentions of those who came before and those around us. And maybe even those in front of us, depending on how Time Space works. Intent is wildly important to being human. Did you read my work a couple episodes after this one about intention? It’s good right?? Haha.
Through this letter, you now know my intentions. And if you choose, you can carry that forward, whether I’m still around in the world or not. In that way, we sorta live forever.
This is also why what narcissists do disturbs us so deeply when we see it. Because warping the narrative distorts the intentions of people.
Alright fellow Titanic survivor. It’s time to wrap this up.
So keep that chin up, kiddo— and give ‘em hell.
—Joe, that fun Black guy who would come around during covid and “slept over” that one Christmas.
* record skip *
Wha?? Yeaahhh, ugh. Sorry for that trauma. You’re an adult now so I figured haha…