Hold Her
There’s an idea I have that I’d like to make into a collection at The NET. It’s a little dark and twisted, so then I think it could be fun.
While I date Nicole Block, who would later sexually assault and attempt to murder me, I won’t notice it upfront, but later I will realize I’m being used for resources. The resources of sex, escape from her marriage, a break from mom life, cooking for her because I loved her, she’d have me come over and help move things around her house, and she even had me teaching her young son programming…that is, when she wasn’t coercing sex from me in an act of assault as her 7 year old son sat on the other side of those thin walls.
And frankly, who knows what type of men she has rotating through her house now, or what her son even witnesses. She would naturally feel more emboldened now which allows her to explore more disgusting behavior. Though it seems no one cares about children, even when you speak on potential danger. She got very lucky I’m the man that I am, cause she definitely didn’t wait to bring a stranger around her kids when the promise of fun sex was on the table for her. A Greatly Unfit mother.
Moving on…I didn’t see it at first. At first I just thought, “I’m helping my girlfriend and showing care to those she loves”. I didn’t realize it was all manipulation.
[just for me]
I was being used like a pack mule of sorts, because she thought that she owned me. In a sick manner someone loving her equates in her mind a level of ownership over that person. That’s directly what she communicates above.
It’s the act of loving a spider that you don’t know is one…you’ll embrace it, telling you that you love it, and it will hiss back ‘I love you too’ as it slowly envelopes you and traps you in its 8 gangly hairy limbs. Then it crushes you, as payment for loving it.
When I tried to leave Nicole, the act of me taking back my own agency will drive her further into her mental illness and she’ll plan to kill me, as if I’m a toy to be thrown away.
What’s more interesting is that I’ve come to learn that many have wished to subjugate me. through my life. They keep trying to break me. Which is why we’ll always have Nic’s iconic line—
Nicole Block, the gift which keeps on giving…me data. Ain’t she precious. Love ya Nic!
What Nic demonstrates through her actions is nothing new in the World or in The West.
While not a perfect parallel of course, I will realize what’s occurring to me has the same underpinnings of chattel slavery. It will actually give me new insights into what chattel slavery had to be like through mathematical deduction.
If most of us were to travel back in time and witness it in person for roughly 4.23 minutes before jumping back to the present, we’d likely start vomiting uncontrollably like that Family Guy episode.
They used people. For everything. Anything you can imagine? It was likely done. The men, the women, the children. And recently, I had a revelation as the Time God. Hmm. I’d love to see the “character sheets”. I feel them. Let’s not play coy at this point. Anyway—
The Black people of chattel slavery were basically this—
People were ‘harnessed’…mind, body, soul. Resources. Chop shop. Spare parts. Spare culture. Spare love.
The Negro Slave
America’s Philosopher Stone
They’ll farm your land, breastfeed your baby, they’ll sing you songs, they raises the kids, they’ll dance and entertain, they’ll cook that good food, and sometimes at night, you might even get a special show, while you watch them fuck your wife.
They’ll make your life rich with experience. They’ll make your pockets rich with money. You’ll be made rich with the sensations of pleasures unknown. The communities will be rich with culture. They’ll grant the country a rich economy. They’ll even provide a false type of richness which you will substitute for your soul— because now you have a scapegoat for all your sins.
‘Hey buddy, things got a little crazy with that girl who was a little too young? Don’t worry. we got you. Grab a Jamal off the wall. He did it. Oops, there goes his DNA on the scene. Now we just sprinkle a lil crack and we’re done! Go live your life.’
Fill up the prisons!
One day you’ll even invite other identities and ethnicities to try it— the first taste is free. And no one will care that all that richness is a by product of the excruciating pain of Black humans.
America will grow high and intoxicated off it’s favorite drug. Nigger. We are certainly a country suffering from drug addition, aren’t we. Drugged the fuck out! Cause they just can’t get enough of that nigger! A lil bit a nigger? You’ll go all night haha!
Shit! Nicole Block, my rapist, did ;)
——
I’m not a subjugationist, I couldn’t ignore that harm of humans, and there’s not much I want for. So while I doubt I’d be swayed to own a human, I will do something perhaps unspeakable and I will tell the people wrought with the desire and the guilt…I get it.
Shiiiiittt, people judging me?? I unlocked prophetic indigenous grandma powers while connecting to generations of aggrieved dead through history who asked me to make justice where there was not, as I deconstructed the harms of the world and realized the scientific existence of God while realizing I was manifesting a certain other profit from a couple millieana ago as i began to figure out Time travel and also the propose of Black holes…
Ya’ll did that nigger and ya’ll got…an irreversible stain upon your soul that everyone else will always witness along with the ever crushing guilt that you didn’t truly any of the richness which surrounds your life, leading to a deep and abject emptiness inside, which might actually explain the horribly high suicide rate of white men in America. Shit, I just realized that. Could that be right?
———
I see now. I couldn’t be subjugated. So ya’ll were gonna “get rid of that one”.
That’s why Nic told me I should “always show my value”. Haha, I know I’m right.
I have a message to all those folks and ‘that plan’. You screwed yourselves. And I’m not talking about some type of prosecution. I’m talking about you all making a grave and unspeakable sin on proportions both ancient in time and as grand as myth.
The sin and folly of both Cronos and Zeus. The fear and jealousy of your most gifted sons and their gifts. The men who were born of this country and loved it. They were American, you IDIOT. And because you couldn’t curtail their strength which they owned with pride they rightfully earned, you cut them down in cowardice, fear, and jealousy shivering in your bed worried that one day they would surpass you…which is EXACTLY what our children are supposed to do. You fucking monkey idiot. Because how else do our families, communities, country, and our species move forward? You damned EVERYTHING.
WHY ARE SO MANY OF MY BROTHERS DEAD?!
And you are still lucky. Because you missed one. The most talented of all of them. He still stands. And you are stupidly lucky, that he has worked tirelessly through many attempts to end him, not to create a weapon of your destruction but instead he presents solutions towards your salvation.
You’re welcome, you, Funny Little Humans. Also, those reparations are fucking happening. You don’t back down from me.
If you read yggdrasil then you’ll know something about me and the way in which I view myself. I am my own philosopher’s stone. And I have plans which are grand.
I wanna be like Jordan Peele, but go even further. One of my goals in what I will begin in a few days time is to discard the notion of race entirely because I do realize through my journey that it is a construct. It’s a cardboard cutout meant as a distraction so you don’t become familiar with the actual concept it represents, identity. It’s an artificial…so as we throw it out I wanna dissect, tear open, and analyze all the dark ways this construct has effected our minds collectively. What I go through is racialized sexual trauma and it for sure messes me up a bit. I’m gonna explore that.
Like I said to Ron in Part I of “Abuse is— Shaming Oneself” I’m an engineer and a scientist…I take things apart. Even if it’s myself, in an act of understanding myself, so we may all understand ourselves and collectively have a better understanding of the various aspects that can exist within us, light and dark.
I’m gonna do it…it’s gonna be dark…and twisted…and it will make the world uncomfortable…and it’ll make my abuser and rapist growl and sneer. To which I say— “Good. Good.”
Because where she is now and what is occurring is merely the outcome of her own actions. She put herself in my hands, wouldn’t you all agree? Would you put yourself in someone’s hands so much? Probably not. You’re smarter than that.
Our sex obsessed Brooklyn friend needs to learn that none of us are exempt— and we should all be accountable. Shouldn’t we? Right? Yes. Yes.
Right now Nicole Block, my rapist, exists inside my hands…tiny. And vulnerable. Because she was foolish, and she overreached. She did too much.
I’ve learned something on this journey. Actually, I was told it. A tip from an old friend changed everything. He acted in our high school’s ethos. Thank you, friend. This is what he shared with me—
Even psychopathy has it’s limits.
Not all of you know what I’m referring to. Some of you are a little young. Though some of you do know what I’m talking about. The younger among us have a tendency to miss something and it’s truly not their fault. It’s an experience thing. The young do not know how bad BAD can actually get. The young don’t know how disordered a thing can become when someone on the team “goes too far”. If you’ve ever served before in the military, or on the police force, or been in any authoritative position, you’ll know that the moment someone on the team goes too far, that creates a fissure.
Especially if you’ve been military you should know this. For instance, my ‘friend’ Ronald? “Men for Others”, our school ethos, was our Semper Fi. He disrespected that. And I won’t allow that. Because I became who I am now under that ethos. I became a man under that ethos. And it stands for something. So I must correct Ronald. I will hold him accountable, and show the world what my ethos actually represents. Military people? Police officers? This should speak to you at your core. So you should already know, and I hope you’re beginning to see that I am a man who stands for something.
The one who “goes too far” begins the process of something “unwinding”. As much as you ignore that fissure, unless it’s addressed, it’ll only grow. It will grow and it will eventually become a crack and that crack will grow, and eventually it will come to a size where it will engulf everything. The young will nervously laugh and say “Nothing will happen right??” The older will feel a concern in their stomach, cause there’s something the older will be more aware of…the cost and the attention and the investigations which collateral damage can and will eventually bring.
Collateral damage has a way of compounding in unexpected ways. Have you ever dealt with a flood? Things you didn’t think would, will get ruined, and there will be damage you’d never expect to things of value. Like how nearly ANYTHING can grow mold. This what Nicole’s Block actions will bring to many. Compounding damage to things which you value.
Families. Homes. Jobs. Security. Investments. Reputation. Your children. Your community. Your legacy.
Like, you’re all aware that Nicole Block likely murdered a man in 2017 about right? His name was Neil. I still have to fully confirm that he isn’t a spoofed Identity, because you can do that, especially if you’re deranged and malicious enough to plan a very long game. Nic Block will use the exact same speaking pattern when speaking on me and speaking on Neil. It draws a direct line to the nearly confirmed fact that she likely killed him in the way I know she tried to kill me. When I say “likely” I’m mean that I’ve deduced this down to an acute probability with very little margin for erroneous calculation. Remember, I’m an engineer and a scientist.
I hope you know what you’re involved in. People should always show you the full contract. I’m sure they did that. So you’re aware I’ve put that evidence in the hands of various people and have even made it available to the world publicly right? And you’re also aware that I was tipped off to ANOTHER possible Nicole Block murder the other day…right? Serial killers “make the block hot”. You see these are things which cause collateral damage—
Sharpnel.
Again, to those who have served in the military and those on the police force, you all know how dangerous shrapnel can be. A small piece of collateral will fly off and tear through your jugular leaving you bleeding out, legs shaking, in the sand or on the concrete. A bad way to go.
The young do not realize how important the concept of shrapnel, or collateral damage is to consider, until they participate in something that acts as that one mistake that haunts their entire life, effectively ripping their future from them as the collateral damage (sharpnel) rips apart their entire future. Your future is all you have. Ask the men who’s names are all over the news and social media for the rape of Gisele Pelicot, or a criminal group hit with a RICO.
So I figured I’d be nice and let you know. But I’m sure you already knew. Also the 2017 murder was likely a team effort. That’s multiple team members going too far, leaving a very traceable path of breadcrumbs, which then implicates others, and shows a consistent sloppiness. Multiple fissures, crumbs everywhere, evidence in the wild, and lines of relationship to others who very much have things to lose. Do with that info what you’d like.
There’s one last point…
A member of the team going too far is the tipping point directly towards disorder. The ones that know this will also know this rule about conflict—
“You do not want to create the man who has nothing to lose.”
Nicole Block and her caretakers did an action that effects everyone. Every single person that “touches her” is a part of this. I wouldn’t have gotten this far at all without an amazing ability of pattern recognition I didn’t even know I had. I’m constantly shocking myself with new abilities actually. So take this next part seriously— I will find each piece of the pattern in the pattern that connects to Nicole Block. If it takes my whole life. And then even beyond that…because I now know that exists. John Wick, but the hunt for criminals goes for multiple lifetimes, finding everyone. Everyone. No one escapes, even through Time. There is no rest even in death, because we will meet again. Cause you know what I am now. I know you know that.
Even psychopathy has it’s limits.
Nicole Block crossed those limits and fell, but I caught her. See? There she is. In my hand. There she is. Rapist.
Nicole Block has shined a light on everything. Things that were secret, your secrets, are quickly approaching a moment in Time where they become public and common knowledge. Eyes, upon you. Sure, you can blame me and sneer at me if you like, but you cannot hate a human in their acts which are simply human.
I am just trying to survive.
I am surviving and moving forward towards a place where I can have safety and prosperity again, on my own accords.
Nicole Block has a house which SHE OWNS in Brooklyn (in fucking Brooklyn), in her perfect little gentrified neighborhood, with her husband she’s been married to since college as sweethearts, with her two young children (they are lovely kids), a six figure job in Manhattan which she got entirely through nepotism and her best friend is her boss so she has NO worries, and she has a role where she gets to manage and control others, and a big ‘ol nest egg from Dave’s family which means they never have to worry their privileged wittle heads about the future or ANYTHING. How many of you even have one of those things?? A singe one!! How many of you??
I sorta get it now…this “common psychopathy” many of you exhibit. I think get it now as I’ve watched the women I’ve dated previously and how they’ve responded and acted during this. Especially one I’ll affectionately call “currygoat”. It’s like…a sampler platter. Right? A little here. Maybe some there. A ‘couple of those’ if they “present themselves”. Do I have it right? You try to keep…balance.
It’s like being a… ‘community conscious vampire’. You have a desire, you can’t help it, so you measure yourself…cause you know to ‘go all out’ would cause attention and chaos and other bad things which you don’t want. You can’t just go running through town slaughtering the villagers. That would go too far. And in going too far that would hurt “the whole". Others like you, and the secret desires you all share. Plus, going that far would simply just be unhinged gluttony. It’s…uncouth. Because—
Even psychopathy has it’s limits.
Nicole Block has everything many of you dream of, and many of you may never get, she made it out of Staten Island, and since has had life handed to her through a cushy marriage, as she lives in one of most expensive areas of this entire nation. She controls every aspect of her life. Even…some of yours it seems. She has all the control in the world. And then she wanted MORE. Like an unhinged glutton. She went too far. Just like she went too far in 2017.
Oh, and whatever initial lie you heard which first got you so incensed and made you a “soldier of block”? You must at least in your subconscious see that that shit was a lie. Yeah, this crazy stalker ex of hers that’s dangerous as he pieces together how she tried to murder him and also raped him? Fucking c’mon. So now PRIVATE INVESTIGATION of criminal act is stalking?? Police trailing a perp is stalking too then? GTFOH! And look, between you and I let’s just keep it a hundred…you have enough of your own delusions to navigate and deal with without taking on her complete slophouse ones.
Again, the older crowd or people in authority roles will know what I’m saying here. Now it’s getting complicated. Just like the namesake of her second account.
The situation wasn’t so clear cut, was it? That Blockhead really fucks things up, right?? Exactly. I have an idea, for this snobby and insufferable yuppie ass ‘Brooklynite’ that thinks she’s better than you and I—
Hold her accountable.
Sometimes accountability is a community effort, isn’t it? I still have her, right in my hand. So— here you go. You like control don’t you? Don’t you?? Show me. I want to see what you all are. It’s ok. You can show me. Honestly I had to admit to myself the other day that I do have a strange attraction to women of your type. I do. So it’s ok.
Btw, I’m making a movement, to eradicate the need for abuse. Notice that I said “the need”. So if there’s “a desire” and it’s something that acts like an internal conflict that you can’t even really think to speak on without feeling discomfort…I’m creating something that will act like “a salve” for it. Cause I’m guessing the socially conscious vampires maybe don’t wanna drink blood. Cause I figure it’s a lot of work to cover up and hide and stuff. Maybe, right? I’m just guessing. If so, this salve will help. No more or lesser blood thirst. I will be honest though that some, like Nicole Block will be, will be held, strongly held. Held accountable. If that causes a frustration in you, don’t worry. You’re someone on instagram and so am I—we’re nobodys. And that’s perfectly fine. Because the ones I will be holding accountable will be the sombody’s that reached too far. And now we both know those that reach too far would only have harmed or revealed you anyway as Nicole Block did. So—
Let Them Go.
Because this will happen regardless. It will. And they reached too far anyway. They were…‘uncouth’. They showed unhinged gluttony. They embarrassed themselves. They harmed the team in their selfish actions. They “screwed themselves”. And you know the saying...
So relax— you are NOT of them, and they have shown themselves NOT of you. So don’t feel bad or let it frustrate. Bad apples. You can’t let the riffraff sink the whole thing or rot the whole basket.
I’m going to be making some strong statements on erasing abusers. Don’t freak out. I want you to know I’m referring to the overreaching sombody’s. Everyone else gets “the salve”. The cure. If they want it. The overreaching somebody’s that get knocked from their power and into the street?
Well, we’ve established they are no longer of you. They banished themselves. They made bad actions. And punishment is upon them. They need to be accountable. Banishment is part of their accountability. Like my earlier mentions, they tarnished a type of ‘ethos’ you all shared, didn’t they? Now that they are outside, they might look more like prey to you. Someone once so powerful. Now they are in your hand. You know how the game goes. But the ‘store will be closing soon’ so make that quick.
Nic’s a good place to start, huh? All that power…wasted…on a sex crazed idiot who shined a light on all of you. Bad bad choices. She did this to herself.
She did, we all see it. She’s right here. She’s in my hand but let’s all join in on the control. I’ll share my prey with the hive. Here you go, let’s all HOLD her.
Accountable. Of course.
And since abuse is quickly ending, by both my intention and what I soon shall decry— ‘I didn’t see it’ if you squeeze too hard a few times while we all HOLD HER, or maybe several to get a few in there before ‘the store closes’— for old times sake.
We’re gonna make this art. We’ll represent all aspects of this in artistic ways that are both beautiful & brutal.
I’m excited about this idea and I deeply want to make it. A collection that explores the depths of control and what the desire does for both who hold the desire and those who are target by it. While I’m not psychopathic like many of those viewing, Nic’s hyper obsession with sex blinded her to something some might call a darkness in me. But it’s not darkness, it’s just the childhood curiosity of— “let’s see how this works”. So it’s not a bad or a psychopathic thing…but I guess it could look a bit horrific as you apply it to different concepts. There is a scariness in the curiosity of children. A wild curiosity and child like creative innocence at scale…is actually far more frightening than darkness.
“Let’s see how this works!”
*SNAP*
“Oh no…I brokes it”.
That’s the difference between the darkness some of you exhibit and the horrifying curiosity of a child and their endless imagination btw.
The darkness will plan and calculate. It’ll attack when it can, slowly wresting control from it’s target. In the act of manipulation it will twist the target. It will either try to subjugate it’s target or eliminate it…both forms of a type of “consumption”.
The curiosity of the child does not calculate. Curiosity and creativity in children is endless. You’ve seen kids…they can go all day. I’ve not lost my curious creativity as I’ve gotten older. I can be in my head forever. Always making. Always creating. Never ending. Making. You all see me now…sleeping in dirt and waking up excited with the anticipation of what I’m continuously excited to create. Knowing I’m building something massive…and if they snipe my tech at the last second…yes there will be grief…but then I’ll just begin making again. The blueprint is in my mind. I won’t stop.
This is not normal. And that is why one of my many new names is
Survivor,
The Anomaly
I’m putting this idea on the list for things to complete…I actually can’t wait and I know what I’ll call it—
The Subjugation Collection
let’s get twisted. one day soon.