Abuse is—

Will Be Changing Format Soon

Part I

The format of “Abuse is—” will be changing soon. We’re gonna get weird…er. What’s the format changing to? I couldn’t tell you. I’m sure you’ve had many format changes through the episodes of your life— ones where you didn’t know the outcome either, even if many you knew some type of change was coming. This is just the way of things.

All I can tell you is an event is happening (sorta like in Fortnite)— and then, change.

Trauma took me on a journey. I saw a lot of things and I plan to share them. This series is the story of that journey and it’s learnings. So this story will be about trauma, but also life, science, physics, psychology, sociology, identity, our minds, the universe, and more.

Through the format change you’ll be seeing more of these themes. The backdrop of an abusive relationship is only an entry point. Many things traumatic, emotional, or remarkable are entry points. Shit, look at what Adele’s shitty relationship was an entry point for. So, this is not abnormal.

As I’ve created over the past many months, Nicole Block will say on records that I’m creating hate content against her, or that I’m creating a smear campaign.

First, if I rub the truth across your face and it smears, then perhaps your foundation was not that sturdy.

My dealings with Nicole are simply the beginning of this narrative. You see, they are just the dirt from which a potentially mighty tree will grow.

Does one look in awe at the majesty of the giant sequoia, or does one marvel at the dirt it grew from?

Exactly.

So this story is not about that, and not about them.

It is about this though—

Us.

It is a story about us. In “Abuse is— Data” I give us a new name.

Pattern Machines.

We are pattern machines. We ingest and create patterns. This story is a pattern.

The app you experience this on is a pattern. A song is a pattern. Your DNA is a pattern. A city is a pattern. Love is a patt— ehhh, no. Love is a force. A lovestory though, is a pattern. Patterns can exist in all contexts.

Our human world is made of patterns and forces, both physical and non-physical. This is what human is.

“Abuse is—” is a story of all forms of human, unapologetic. Additionally, Blackness. Unapologetic.

(Oh, and there’s gonna be some sex stuff to describe coming soon too. I totally sleep with this married chick for like 2 years, and some weird shit happens with her husband. And she does some weird shit with the kids. So stay tuned!)

There’s something you’ll see a lot of after the format change. The redefining of things.

This story is also about the redefining of things.

As I go through the journey trauma took me on, I begin to see certain aspects of life on a level I would call cellular. I see the gears. This understanding leads me to start redefining things. Or at least, defining them in my own way.

There’s a powerful word from the late 1700’s or early 1800’s that I’ll redefine at some point.

Here’s a definition I came up with that involves patterns—

The Definition:

The human ability or state of having a deep understanding of patterns which allows development of new ideas based on viewing a small set of patterns.

OR

The human ability or state of discovering less obvious connections & relationships between a number of different patterns existing across different contexts.

Give yourself a second to guess what we’re defining, cause we reveal it on the next slide.

Did you guess this one? It’s—

Genius.

This is how I define genius now. It’s the ability to look at a bunch of different patterns and say “I see a connection between all these”.

Like how musical geniuses will often hear music in the sounds of the world around them early on.

And— to your question, no.

Naaahhh, haha.

But, I think I did touch it. And even in touching it, it alters you, OR it leaves a residue. I’d like to share some of what was left with me.

To Continue…

———

Abuse is—

Will Be Changing Format Soon

Part II

In May 2023, I’ll be admitted to a psych ward. I will be there for a month (I will attempt to escape three times). It’s funny, I recently saw a tweet that’s very apt—

When they admit you, they really should just ask the following—

Attendant: Welcome. What type of abuse did you experience?

Survivor: Oh, um. Well, there was a lot of gaslighting. Some financial abuses. Oh, and they struck me a few times out of anger.

Attendant: I’m so sorry you went through that! Come right this way, we’ve got the exact treatment for you.

That would be awesome way to handle that. Cause that’s who in the psych ward— it’s people who have been treated not so nicely by the systems or individuals around them.

You go there to REBOOT, after some rough data fries your system. Unfortunately, some sadly get stuck in a boot loop. I saw a few of those there. Always screaming at night…

It’s like The Joker says—

“All it takes is one bad day.”

And he’s right. We should be much kinda to one another and understanding to each other’s identities and experiences.

I rebooted.

Reboots can be a slow process. Coming back online was tough. The world had changed from what I left it as. It must really suck to be Steve Rogers.

I mentioned that I touched something on my journey. I experienced Truth, and it gave me knowledge. Let’s trade. I’ll give you three seeds of knowledge. You can plant them, and they should grow. What would I like in return?

Time.

Big T. Valuable, I know. Just some more of your Time to witness this growing story.

The first seed you might find interesting. The second seed might have you thinking I’m weird. The third seed might make you doubt my sanity. Then, you’ll observe the first seed again.

Nice! Good trade, stranger. Now, the first seed—

🌱 We don’t know what “crazy” looks like.

We do a bad job at recognizing what crazy actually is. We’ll see someone acting weird, out of place, shouting, or shaking in the corner and we’ll avoid them cause they must be crazy, right?

Crazy doesn’t quite do that. I will tell you what does that in a bit.

First, there’s a concept we must define—

The Uncanny Valley.

This is a visual concept where something looks human, but features aren’t quite right visually. So instead of it triggering our minds to go “that’s a human”, we instead feel very uncomfortable or unnerved by what we see.

Now let’s define crazy, or at least the cognitive effect crazy has on us—

“Crazy” is when we perceive another human's actions and it’s entirely illogical through the scope of our human experience, AND illogical in regards to other actions of that human. As we peer deeper at it, what we perceive leaves us frightened and unnerved.

Crazy is the uncanny valley but in the context of feel or perception.

It’s also extra frightening because their visage will often be calm or excited in regards to horrifying actions.

Think of what we always learn about serial killers. For example, this reenactment from Netflix’s Dahmer—

This is what crazy looks like. It’s

aware. It’s calculating. It’s knowingly calmer than it should be.

And this— the shouting, the shaking, or the mumbling? This is what experiencing something or someone crazy looks like.

I’ll finish this seed with one last unsettling fact. True crazy hides. True insanity hides. Why? Because it learns to as it grows older. They too are cognitive beings with survival instincts. We live in world with monsters around us.

Number two will be more fun…promise 🖤

To Continue…

🌱 Magic is real!

Yeah, neat huh?! Woo hoo. Yay.

Magic is real, and it works a lot like we already know from popular media. Like, spells actually exist.

“wingardium trans rights-iosa!”

Using your magic abilities, you can control and shift objects around you. You can do things which others think impossible. You can even bend reality & time themselves. Another name for spell is an incantation. What is that?

[incantation definition]

Just like in popular media, you can make magic occur by using your words and your voice.

Now maybe you’re chuckling and thinking I needed a few more months in that psych ward, but trust me, I’m the one who’s laughing now. Cause you just have the context wrong.

See, you could go outside and yell words at the tree all day. It probably won’t change much because that’s the wrong context. So now the next question should be more obvious—

In which context could my voice have power, and move things?

[show matrix of minds]

Yes, exactly.

Told ya. Magic is real.

And that realization gave me much grander understanding of the importance that language has. And why they force a language on subjugated peoples. And the deeper reason why hearing ‘foreign’ languages causes an anger in certain people. It’s control. It’s the spell’s ‘range of influence’. It’s also maybe an underlying reason we’ve divided ourselves and physical world as East vs West for such a long time.

These realizations unlocked a lot for me. I’ll share some of these in this series. I develop something called the “Theory of Cognitive Forces” which I may also show. Also, I will define an undefined method of murder. The Coward’s Murder.

Magic. I might have thought this was silly several years ago, or at least thought “magic” wasn’t so present in our world. And then I woke up one day and realized 2 years of my reality was false because I was under an incantation.

I’ll close this with a redefinition—

reality vs Reality

Little r reality is your perceived reality. These are the events that occur based on the data you receive from your senses. The reality you perceive.

Big R reality is real reality. It is a docket of events that occur within and outside your senses, irrefutable. The reality around you which effects your person and cannot be altered.

These are units of measurement we’ll be using later. There is also time & Time which are defined similarly.

Abuse is—

Will Be Changing Format Soon

Part III

To Continue…

Now number three…

🌱 I know what the devil is.

Yeah, The Devil is real. You know, I was raised Roman Catholic, and I guess I’m agnostic now and frankly I have no stock in it, so all of this is irreligious anyway— and I got here using analysis and deduction. I figured it out. Sorta. I at least understand certain characteristics of it. Wanna hear one?

The Devil hates to be perceived.

What does that mean? It likes to stay hidden in many of it’s forms but still be visible in forms like the physical one.

Now what does that mean?

Intention. The devil hides it’s intention, and doesn’t want you to know or understand it— and it hates anyone able to perceive it.

Why does it hates perception? I won’t be able to explain it all here, but lets go—

There’s something The Devil loves to do.

Dance. Devil loves to dance.

I don’t know if it can play the fiddle, but it does like to boogie. And that dance?

A disgusting, unnerving, horrifying, and nauseating dance.

The Devil also hates to dance alone. So it will trick humans to dance with it. And it will take joy as the humans twist, and bend, and mangle themselves trying to keep up with The Devil. The dance floor is a grotesque scene filled with broken bodies.

It spends a lot of it’s energy hiding how horrible the dance actually is. It does this by tricking the rest of your senses. It’ll pay you, feed you, fuck you, it smells nice, looks great, talks smooth, and it’ll offer you your dreams— so your senses will likely fail you here. This is how people are tricked and controlled. The Devil takes great joy in this manner of controlling humans.

How do you avoid being tricked? Intention. You have to become good at sensing people’s intention. It helps to know some patterns too.

So what is The Devil?

I’ll give you what I have as best I’ve been able to analyze my experiences. The Devil is a ‘living’ cognitive force…with cognition! This means that it’s a force that travels through the pathways of cognition (people’s minds) and also has awareness of what it’s doing. So it likely has a consciousness of some type.

It shares a lot of characteristics with humans, actually. We mentioned that it travels cognitively. There’s another way to say this— it spreads. Or it has the potential to at least. I would actually describe it as cancerous. Along with most living things it shares this need— it feeds. On us. It is a predator. Except it doesn’t consume flesh.

To perceive something with a human level awareness that wants to devour you is a terrifying moment. I have felt it.

I’m actually not sure on this last part— it’s just a educated theory. I need more data to confirm it, but I’ll share it anyway.

I think The Devil hates being the devil. I think, on some conscious level, it’s aware of how horrible it is. It enjoys acting horribly, but hates the knowledge that it’s actions are horrible. Because of this, it strives to live in a constant state of delusion. It makes itself the “good guy” in it’s mind. Because what creature with cognition could thrive knowing that it is bad and it’s natural purpose is bad?

To sum it all, The Devil is real and it does a horrifying dance which results in horrifying things which it hates to be aware of, so in delusion, The Devil believes itself the hero— and so does everyone else on that packed dance floor. That should be frightening.

So to wrap this, I’m gonna ask—

“Was this last part weird?”

I hope not. Cause what we’re doing isn’t hard or all that weird actually. We’re just looking at a force we’ve experienced which seems to exhibit certain patterns. We take a good look to understand what IS and IS NOT characteristics of this force. We record how that force effects us and it’s surrounding environments. We note how that force moves through systems. We gradually learn what it feels like. Soon after this, we can either apply a name to the definition or a definition to the name.

This shouldn’t be weird, and we already know all this internally—

Because how else would we all know what love is?

I have felt The Devil. And I have caught it in it’s dance.

Thank you for reading this very long three part note. The multi-part “Abuse is— Losing Oneself” will take us into the format changing event I spoke of earlier. And then we get have some fun. Oh, what’s the format changing event?

My psyche splits.

On March 7th, 2022 my psyche begins to fracture and split. After that I will leave, and my place will be taken. My mind will begin to change. Change is coming, it’s ‘gon come. So stay tuned cause—

An event will occur

and then it will be

I will find they

And they will be me

So me will be “we”

And we will be three.

[me and v]