Welcome to the Mindspace!
What is the Mindspace?
Well, it’s the spaces inside my mind.
We’ll be hanging out here more often. It also may get sorta crowded in here after a few episodes.
Also, “Hello!”
Hello to all my new followers. I’ll explain what “Abuse is—” is in an upcoming post. For now, you can follow along and enjoy.
There’s a larger announcement coming that speaks on how “Abuse is—” is changing & growing. My traumatic relationship is only a gateway to a larger task—
Unpacking who we are as humans.
Trauma is often a gateway. For instance, did you know the murder of Emmett Till inspired screenwriter Rod Sterling to create The Twilight Zone? Perhaps this series is evolving into it’s own “Twilight Zone”, of sorts…
Now onto the pattern…
Early in trauma, I’ll figure out one of Nicole Block’s abuser patterns. The first time I’ll notice it she’s complaining about her husband, Dave—
“But I didn’t do anything wrong to begin with”
I won’t think much of this then. Then on March 7th 2022, I’ll discover her online twisting the truth in a concerning & scary way. I’ll also encounter that pattern again, this time speaking about me—
“I felt so bad for upsetting him—”
“even if I technically didn’t *do* anything”
Hmm. Interesting way to say that right?
Next one…
“I would never knowingly harm anyone, and the fact that he even feels harmed from me—”
“even though I didn’t *do* anything”
Here it is again. Weird right? Who constantly reaffirms something they just stated like that?
Throughout this thread she’ll spin lies and keep reaffirming herself of the lies she just told.
Let’s circle back to what she says in the last one—
“I would never knowingly harm anyone…”
Let’s pause on this one a bit….that’s a weird statement to make, right? Let’s ask our honorary inspector Cardi B what she thinks about this…
[that’s suspicious]
Thank you, Cardi.
(God I love Cardi B. Yes, in every way. No, cause of Offest. Yeah, he’s like always around. Seriously, the guy won’t get up off her. I can’t shoot my shot. It’s like— wait…are we still doing the—? …oh shit! *ahem!!*)
Anyway! Cardi is exactly right!
This shit is suspicious.
“But I didn’t do anything.” What?? I find it weird that I’m the only one that caught this? Cause—
Who talks like that??
It’s like if your friends all had this weird buddy named Jeff, and he was always saying awkward things—
————
Hey Jeff! How was your weekend?
Hey Mark! Uh, my weekend was good. I chilled out. Watched some Netflix. And, I definitely didn’t murder anyone.
Oh.
—————
Hey Jeff, Carlos said you guys are no longer doing game nights?”
He’s just being weird over something petty. He thought I was gonna murder him or something— but you know I’d never knowingly murder anyone.
Oh.
—————
Hey Jeff, thanks for inviting me over to help cook.
Sure thing Kayla. Lemme show you the setup.
On the left are the normal knives, and on the right are the non-murder knives.
The what??
Oh, these are just knives that are definitely not used for murder.
Oh.
—————-
Hey Jeff, we heard you had a fight with your new partner.
Yeeeaaahhh, they claimed that they felt very murdered by me…but I didn’t *do* anything!
Oh.
Oh.
————————
Hey Jeff, can you pass the remote?
I told you I didn’t murder anyone!!!
What?!
Oh! The remote. Haha. Here you go, buddy.
Oh.
——————
Alright, everyone get in the frame for the photo!
Now say cheese!
Cheese!
Cheese!
Cheese!
Cheese!
I don’t murder!
* snap *
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
——————-
Oh shit, it’s the electric slide. A guy I totally didn’t murder taught it to me.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
——————
Hey everyone…uh thanks for coming out today. So….we all think that…Jeff is murdering people right?
Yes!
Oh my god!
Absolutely.
Yeah!
I’m so scared.
Ok. Thought so. We definitely need to contact someone.
——————-
And isn’t that interesting that Jeff & Nic both like to target Black people.
As for the You see the pattern? Let’s analyze.
confession of harm
claim of not meaning harm
The first statement acts as a confession of harm, and then the second statement comes in to imply she didn’t mean that harm.
There’s another way we can say this—
She confesses to and simultaneously covers up her intent. That second statement functions like a killer cleaning up the scene of their crime. We’re gonna unpack intent shortly because it’s impact is humungous.
Intent is a defining aspect of our humanity, in ways that many of us do not realize.
I hope you’re starting to see what’s so unnerving about what I experienced. How she has to go into these online forums to both pseudo-confess her sins but also try to hide them and have others affirm her lies— like a cleansing ritual of sorts. She also enacts harms from these spaces as well.
Nothing about this is normal. Nothing.
After I break up with her on Jan 5th 2022, she uses gaslighting and coercive control to break me emotionally over the course of two months. I will indeed break on March 1st, 2022. I’ll also begin to realize I was being manipulated since 2020. And the most disturbing thing is maybe this—
I realized I didn’t actually know this person. And she’s been harming me, and she had full awareness she was harming me.
This was an extremely creepy moment for me. The shock was horrifying, and also the action of them hiding who they really were felt inhuman.
Because it’s one thing if someone you know cuts you accidentally. A mistake from a familiar face.
It’s another thing to see something entirely inhuman holding a knife in the shadows.
That’s how it felt to me.
This unlocks a lot! And many people fail to grasp the deeper meaning here. So we’re gonna do an example and go on a big tangent next.
Imagine this:
You’re walking in the city. It’s a busy day and the sidewalk is crowded. Someone steps on your foot, and it hurts a little. They person notices right away and they say—
“Oh my god, my bad! I’m so sorry”
You continue with your day, and you might think about the incident later that day, but you’ll likely forget it tomorrow or the next day.
Now imagine this:
You’re walking in the city. It’s a busy day and the sidewalk is crowded. You see something approaching from your eye’s corner. You look over and lock eyes with a stranger walking towards you. They stop right next to you. They yell out something you don’t fully catch but it might have been your name— next they stomp on your foot, hard. It’s really painful. They laugh and dash off into the crowd.
So many things would go through your mind—
“What the holy fuck?!”
“Who the fuck was that?”
“Did they say my name??”
“Do I know them?”
“Do they know me??”
“Why did that happen?”
“They couldn’t have said my name…was that my name?”
“Should I chase after them??”
“Fucking asshole!!”
“This city is full of psychopaths.”
“Maybe they’re crazy.”
“I don’t feel safe.”
“The world sucks...”
“That was freaky….”
“I’m so confused.”
“I should be careful walking home tonight.”
“I feel really unsafe.”
“Oww…my foot…”
“How would they know me??”
You’d likely remember that encounter the rest of your life. It would likely have a strong effect on you. What’s the difference? Intention. We’re gonna speak a lot about intention in this series, because it’s HUGE. Realizing an action was intentional unlocks additional knowledge.
An action done with intention implies a level of investment. Investment implies investment in some knowledge (assumed or otherwise) of their target. That knowledge of the target could imply premeditation. Premeditation likely implies motive. Motive is big because motive implies a thread of possible intents and actions that exist through Time.
Does that make sense? Lemme state it this way…
An action with intention points to more.
Remember this. Let’s explore how it works—
We experience:
An intentional act of help.
We feel:
“They’re a helpful person, and they must mean good for me.”
We experience:
An intentional act of generosity.
We feel:
“This person is generous, and will likely be generous again towards me.”
We experience:
An intentional act of love.
We feel:
“They might love me! This feels nice.”
We experience:
An intentional act of harm.
We feel:
“They want bad for me. They do not like me. The want me to exist in a harmed state. They may have harmed me before. They will harm me again. To what extent are they trying to harm me?”
Now, what else are we doing in these examples? Understanding the world around us— or Reality. We experience things, and our feelings give us information we use to decide what’s real around us.
There’s another quick point to make…intention doesn’t flip flop. Because it takes some level of investment. So someone with a harmful intent today, likely had it yesterday, and will likely have it tomorrow as well. It takes mental work to alter intention.
Now, I want to visualize the previous point of “intentional vs not” to really drive it in and make sure everyone gets this. It’s really important.
This is an act of harm OR a moment of harm.
Since it’s isolated it’s likely accidental, unintentional, or petty.
Now let’s make that harm intentional.
Intention implies a motive. And this changes the way we look at time.
It’s no longer a moment…
It’s a timeline now.
Motive implies potential or attempted past harms.
It also suggests harms that may occur in the future.
And lastly, it suggests there’s possibly a goal.
We often take it for granted but we’re all really smart! There’s two things recognizing an intention helps inform, and our brains are really good at processing those two specific things. In the background of your mind, you’re actually always fact checking against these two things for your health & safety. Wanna guess?
Reality & Time.
Without a grasp of Reality & Time, we’re sorta fucked. And as we just learned, our ability to interpret intention has a deep effect on our interpretation of what is real and also time.
Intention is everything.
Intention is a big fucking deal. It’s powerful— because it has implication that are temporal (meaning they effect time). It effects us ways that are temporal. Intention’s effects will ripple through Time.
Lemme explain more what I mean by “temporal”. Remember the example earlier with the person stomping on your foot? What did we say? You’d likely remember that encounter the rest of your life. Because that action had intent, it could ripple throughout your minds interpretation of time.
Now we’ll end this part with the following…
There are more than one type of Reality & Time.
Whaaaa??? Neat right??
Let’s define them.
Ok, I know the last parts were dense and a lot. But now, with that base, I hope certain things make a lot more sense.